Terry’s Take… April Week 4: Forgiveness
For the first part of this story, see my previous blog post!
So what happened between the two brothers and the shotgun? They forgave each other and it had amazing results. The brothers felt like brothers again. The original shotgun was returned to the brother to whom it was promised. But…the brother refused to take it. When I followed up with the donor he related that he told his brother: “I have a replica that’s good enough for me. You keep taking care of the original and when you die make sure it goes to your son.”
But what happens when we cannot forgive OURSELVES?
Forgiving yourself ultimately comes from understanding God’s forgiveness. The Bible is clear that every human has sinned against God (Romans 3:23), and that all our wrongdoing is against God (Psalm 51:4; Genesis 39:9). Thus, the essential thing we need is God’s forgiveness, which is available to us through the person and work of Jesus Christ. All who put their faith in Jesus are fully forgiven of their sins. They are counted as righteous before God, eternally justified (Romans 5:1–11; Ephesians 1:13–14; 2:1–10). We do, of course, still struggle with sin, but God is faithful to cleanse us when we confess to Him, and to restore us to right fellowship with Him (1 John 1:9; 2:1–2). Jesus’ sacrifice was enough for any and all of our sins. Forgiving yourself, then, actually has to do with receiving God’s forgiveness.
It is helpful to compare our forgiveness of others with our forgiveness of ourselves. Matthew 18:21–35 records the parable of the unmerciful servant. In it, a master forgives the exorbitant debt of one of his servants, only for that servant to demand a much smaller amount from a fellow servant. The master said, “Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” (Matthew 18:33). As we have received forgiveness from God, we are to extend that forgiveness to others. There are no higher standards than God’s. Our sins against one another are sins against God; it is His laws that we have transgressed. There is no way a person, including ourselves, could sin against us more than against God. When we understand that God’s standards are what count and that He has graciously extended forgiveness to us, we can extend that same forgiveness to others—and to ourselves.
While this might be simple to understand in concept, forgiving yourself can be difficult in practice. We regret our bad decisions, and we are remorseful over the ways they have hurt ourselves and others. The enemy continues to accuse us and remind us of our sins. Others in our lives might do the same. There are times we might even think it is repentant or laudable to refuse to forgive ourselves, as if our punishment of ourselves will atone for our sins. But that is not at all the message of the gospel. In fact, the Bible is quite clear that we could never make up for our own sins. We are sinners who are dead in transgression (Romans 3:23; 6:23; Ephesians 2:1–10) and hopeless apart from Christ (John 3:16–18, 36; Romans 5:6–8). The gospel tells us that God’s wrath for our sins has been poured out on Jesus; justice has been served. Living in guilt or self-punishment is a denial of the truth of the gospel.
Resource:
“Forgiving Ourselves: Getting Back Up When We Let Ourselves Down” by Wendy Ulrich (available from Chapters/Indigo on Kobo, and Amazon on Kindle or as an imported paperback)
All sin, many repent, but few really forgive themselves and find peace. Too often we fail to fully claim the “amazing grace” of the Atonement. How can we help our loved ones – and ourselves – let go of past mistakes? Wendy Ulrich, an experienced psychologist, maps the journey from self-blame to self- forgiveness. She shows how the pure doctrines of the gospel, coupled with the practical perspectives of psychology, can help us stop harrowing our souls and start planting the seeds of faith, healing, and joy.