Terry’s Take… Why do Women and Men Often Talk Past Each Other? – Part 1
Most of the time my wife and I communicate well with each other. We have learned, though, that we often process and analyze things differently. God has made us unique… thanks be to God!
Have you ever had problems relating an idea or feeling to the opposite sex?
Well, get ready for some brain science.
There is a biological basis for this… it is caused by a lack of symmetry called the corpus callosum, a nerve bundle consisting of several hundred million fibers. It serves as a bridge or pathway that connects the right and left hemispheres of the brain. Science has discovered that male brains have more connections within each hemisphere, while female brains are more interconnected between hemispheres.
Because of this… the female brain tends to have verbal centers on both sides of the brain. Their brains are said to be more bilaterally symmetric. In contrast, the brains of males have verbal centers only in the left hemisphere.
Because the corpus callosum works differently in males and females, men tend to think of things one step at a time while women, who are constantly making use of both hemispheres of the brain, think of more than one thing at a time. This tendency has been called “women’s intuition.” On the other hand, men can be “absentminded.”
Sound familiar?
Generally, women tend to communicate as follows:
- Women tend to have more focus on affinity, connectivity, and group consensus than men.
- Women are more likely to ask questions. In research based on 100,000 interviews by John Gray and Barbara Annis, 80 percent of women said they prefer to ask questions even when they know the answer, because it encourages others to contribute.
- Men and women both use minimal responses such as ‘mmm,’ ‘yeah’ and ‘oh,’ but women use them more as a way of showing support and encouragement, while men tend to use them as a way of driving the conversation forward, demonstrating expertise or competing for status.
- Women use more pronouns such as ‘I,’ ‘you’ and ‘we.’ In fact, social scientist Professor James W Pennebaker estimated that, on average, women use 85,000 more pronouns a year than men. This is significant because pronouns are used in reference to relationships and people.
- Rather than giving orders, women are more likely to make suggestions or proposals, so as to increase rapport.
Now contrast this with the top five characteristics of men-talk:
- Men tend to have more attention on displaying their skill, knowledge, or humor, especially in group situations.
- When they hear a complaint, men are likely to see it as a challenge to give their advice or find a solution. While they think they are being helpful, women will see this as condescending.
- As they walk away from a conversation, men are inclined to wonder whether it’s put them in a ‘one-up’ position, whereas women will question the impact of the conversation on their sense of connection.
- While women use more pronouns such as ‘I,’ ‘you’ and ‘we,’ men tend to use more articles such as ‘a’ and ‘the,’ in reference to objects and things.
- Men are more prone to interrupting a speaker or challenging a comment than women. They use more mechanisms for influencing or controlling the topic of a conversation, in line with their goals or objectives.
So how do we bridge this gap? Stay tuned for Part Two.